Parenting Styles

I recently came upon a wonderful article written by the sibling of Montserrat Grasses, a candidate for beatification. We're given a glimpse into the life of a family with 9 children with a tight budget. A lot of us would think, "wow, I bet they were so deprived"...that couldn't be further from the truth. The author talks about how having less actually gave them more and help to build strong character. Now, I've never been the spoiling type of parent (ok, maybe a few Christmas's) and I TRY to not busy ourselves to the point of exhaustion...but these are daily temptations in our culture. "More, more, more" is our new anthem and yet we wonder why our youth has such a weak work ethic. It's so easy to cave to the lies of instant gratification, especially when you're outnumbered by 3 kids! Here's the article: http://reflectionsofaparalytic.com/?p=6454

I have a great deal of friends who practice "Attachment Parenting". With this style of parenting gaining so much attention I decided to look into it thinking, "well I breastfeed, co-sleep part time, wear a sling w/ my baby, delay/deny and stagger vaccinations"...the similarities stopped there. After reading the "mission statement" I was horrified over the fact that my kids would be growing up next to kids who were only disciplined with rainbows, hugs, and understanding.   Basically Attachment Parents are trusting the child to make good decisions, no matter what the age and the word "no" is only going to stifle the child and make the child not feel understood.  Well that's all well and good until Jr. runs out into the street or bites another toddler for the 23rd time during a playdate. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for a nurturing environment with loads of understanding, but sometimes no means no and we're not going to sit down and have a sweet little heart to heart about it. No external rewards, no punishment? Really? How does this prepare children for the world where there are plenty of the both. God designed us to be reward seekers and to expect a punishment...uh hello, heaven and hell! So enough ranting about "peaceful parenting" and raising kids to become adults who say to their boss, "WHAT?! You're firing me?! But you can't do that, that's not peaceful! Why don't you understand?" Troubling.

I was introduced to another style of parenting by the blog Catholic Mothers Online called "Simplicity Parenting". Basically, less is more. Three simple words that I think are most definitely Christ approved. Less of self, less idol time, less greed, less possessions. I am reminded of Madame Blueberry of Veggie Tales. Madame Blueberry lives in a mansion tree house and fills it with every possible possession, thinking it will fulfill her until one day she sees a happy little veggie-girl who is truly fulfilled by love, family, and a simple slice of cake. Madame Blueberry is inspired with the girl's song, "...because a thankful heart is a happy heart" and decides to give up her possessions (both Christ approved and John Lennon approved) but before she can, her heavy house falls under the weight and yet she is thankful. I guess Miss Blueberry didn't know about building a house on a strong foundation. "He is like a man which built a house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock." Luke 6:48. Here's a little snippet of our dear Madame Blueberry: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwVNUBpvxXI&feature=related

I think instinct, prayer, and modeling after how our Heavenly Father parents his children, can be quite effective.  He gives us free will to be obedient or to sin.  With obedience comes reward, and disobedience -discipline.  If we choose to continue to defy him, our punishment is severe.  If we seek forgiveness, his mercy is infinite.  Above all, his love is unconditional, even when we sin, and so is my love for my children...even when they're in the corner, or have a sore backside.  Yes, we occasionally spank...shocking I know.  I will now await the knock on the door from DFS. 

I've taken the "Love and Logic" ( http://www.loveandlogic.com/ ) courses and am a huge fan of Dr. James Dobson's books "The Strong Willed Child" and "Bringing Up Boys". Both have profound insight and wisdom all based on Christian values. Both the courses and the books are wonderful resources for loving parents who understand that setting boundaries and using discipline are actually a huge part of being a responsible parent. Using negative and positive re-enforcement along with natural consequences are all great tools to use, depending on the temperament of your child. Different children require different kinds of attention when addressing behavior...we're still working out the kinks with our children and probably always will be because they are forever changing. I don't see the point in putting a child in a proverbial box...or a literal one...because that kind of discipline probably isn't appropriate, but God knows I've been tempted! (Insert laughter, I promise I'm kidding).

The fact remains though that I could always use a few pointers and tips based on true wisdom and I think "Simplicity Parenting" might be for me...it gets back to basics. But we shall see. Be expecting a book review soon...oh wait, I have 3 kids, nevermind.

Catholic Mothers Online article "Less is More": http://www.catholicmothersonline.com/2011/04/less-is-more/

Female Empowerment?

A friend on Facebook recently posted a link about, "Slut Shame: Why do we still attack women, just for having sex?".  With the link she asked, "hmmm...why is that?"  Well, since you asked...my reply:

Because ALL women are meant to be adored, cherished, and have a crown of love placed on her head by A man who would lay his life down for her.  Every inch of her naked body, he should know by heart.  This is not something you find in casual sex.  Instead of our soul being filled during sex, it is drained and we are left feeling empty, which is so contrary to how we were told we'd feel...empowered.  I think that in the back of our hearts and minds, we still know this as humans and that's why there's a negative stigma attached. 

However, no woman should be attacked, even verbally.  Christ himself condemned it when he came to the defense of Mary Magdalene, a prostitute who was about to be stoned to death.  This is where the famous quote  "let he who is without sin, cast the first stone" (John 8:7) came from.  After she repented, he honored this former prostitute w/ being the 1st to see him after he rose from the dead.  Anyways, just one woman's opinion...based on my own experiences :)

I want to run away from home...or just take a nap

Why haven't I been blogging lately? A sick 8 month old and a demon possessed 4 yr old. Here is a reply to another mom's blog about tips to deal with a 4 yr old "tantrumer". I found this info after deciding to google the subject before having a tantrum of my own. If I don't get my 1st gray hair after this week, I'll be surprised. Who am I kidding, I probably already have them, they're just covered up with low-lights and high-lights...which reminds me, I need to call my stylist.

I think it's important to say that as I type this it is a Saturday afternoon and my now healthy baby girl has decided that she no longer knows how to self soothe herself back to sleep. Everytime she cuts a tooth or gets sick THIS happens. She is screaming crying right now after only a 45 minute nap when she usually takes 2 hr. one. She woke up 4 times last night and took an hour to go to sleep the first time and 45 minutes the next... and so on. I tried to take a nap with them (talked Asher into an early nap) but precious isn't allowing that. I've go to stick to the "method", which means it's time to go check in on her. Well, MY method is a bit more humane than others suggested by doctors and little old ladies at the checkout. Does it seem like I'm rambling? Yea, that's how my brain feels right now. I'm sure if I tried to talk I'd sound drunk...hmmmm, drunk sounds good right now. I mean, the husband IS home, he's just putting in a chain link fence in the back yard. I joke, I kidd, no drinking my motherhood sorrows away today. Instead I will pray for better sleep, more patience, a calm 4 yr old, and a self soothing baby. OH YEA!! My reply to the other mom:
"I agree with so many of the other comments! I was about to call our priest for an exorcism!! You only ever hear of 2 yr. old tantrums so you think that you're child is experiencing some kind of emotional issues. I wouldn't dare ask the pediatrician because she would probably just blow me off as another "overly-concerned SAHM". Not even the other moms at our playgroups have talked about it. Why are we as mothers so eager to share the ups but not the downs of bringing up children?My mom recommends "The Strong Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson, as she said I was one myself...ha, who knew! The book explains that our power hungry 4 yr olds usually do quite well in adulthood and excercise great discipline within themselves...(sighhhh). I'm ordering the book today! If you are a praying mom (as I am) I find it helps to pray before disciplining. My prayer has been for me to not lose my patience and to remain calm as Nette has explained...since this often takes a miracle on my part! To remain emotionless is so hard to do when your beloved tender child has been temporarily replaced with a red faced, screaming, flailing, little ball of anger who says he wants a different mommy. I hate those days and often have a good cry at the end of the day. Nobody tells you it's gonna be this hard...but Nette did so thank you!!! Thank you for tips and the candidness; it's nice to know I'm not alone."

Thou shalt rest?

My goals for the day are:
Do dishes
Do 3 loads of laundry, fold it and PUT IT AWAY!
Mop the kitchen floor
Be patient
Make a grocery list (and menu)
Bathe Bella
Work on writing ABC's w/ Asher
Water gardens
Rest my sore knee
Brush my teeth...lol, I forget to do that sometimes ;)
Make homemade teething biscuits
Make peach baby food and freeze
Make dinner
Practice the guitar
Make time for God

As I read over that list two things come to mind: 1. Rest my sore knee? Um, no, not with a list like that. Being diligent is great but right now it has become a sickness for me and now my injury will never heal at this rate. I think it's because I realized that I was becoming idle with my time and now I'm trying to make up for lost time. I mean, I've always been busy and never really lazy (since becoming a mom anyways) but I am starting to realize that I can use my time better -all for serving my family and thus my God better. Okay, 2. Make time for God was the last thing on my list and I didn't do that on purpose, I just typed away as they came to mind. Making time for God should have been the 1st thing on my list and then maybe all of those things would come easier...especially the patience part! So, my frame of mind today will not be the usual "be a diligent wife", it will be "Thou shalt rest"! Gotta go and switch the laundry over...oh, I think I hear the baby waking up, well, if I dont fold it right away then it will wrinkle, Asher has watched enough cartoons this morning, he needs to play, what's the weather gonna be like today...maybe I need to go water the gardens NOW before they burn up...THIS is why I the title of a book comes to mind, "Men Are Like Waffles and Women Are Like Speghetti"....genious theory and oh so true in my case. What I wouldnt give to be able to compartmentalize all of my random thoughts, whims, and tasks....I so love organization. Oh yea, THOU SHALT REST!!!

Priceless Virtue

"When one finds a valiant wife, her value is far beyond pearls. Her husband, entrusting his heart to her, has an unfailing prize. She brings him good, and not evil, all the days of her life.” (Prov. 31: 10-12) That pretty much sums up my goal in life. It is almost 9am on a Saturday and I am starting a blog. Now, would a virtuous wife be wasting time blogging instead of doing something more productive? Maybe. But I have good intentions...even though I hear they pave the road to hell! It needs to be said that I woke up at 6am, nursed the baby and changed her, fed my 4 yr old, then fed (baby food) the baby, did the dishes, started dinner in the crock pot, cleaned the kitchen, straightened up the living room and bathroom, got a load of laundry together, laid the baby down for nap and made a much needed pot of coffee.

Oh yea, my good intentions: this shall be MY journal, not a myspace blog or a facebook blog where I am concerned with what people think of me, nor is this a blog I intend to share with my husband, mother or sister (which will take a great deal of restraint of my part). This is for me and me only. I need a place to take out my frustration, to record my life, to see my progress and most importantly, a journal to someday share with my children when they're grown. My hope is that my daughter will crave virtue and to be a diligent wife and to accept the will of our Father and not the will of our ever-changing culture. I want her to understand her womanhood through the gift of servitude...yup, I said it, servitude. As for my son, I pray he will want what God has always wanted for all men...a true help mate. The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:18) Only when we follow God's plan for our lives do we truly realize who we are and why we were even made.